I miss a lot of people. I hope they know who they are.

I was never one of those kids who wanted to grow up faster than necessary, but I did occasionally wonder what I would be like when I was in college. I never thought about it long enough to actually get any mental pictures, but I guess I never expected to be sitting around in my pajamas at three in the afternoon eating cold spaghetti and watching multiple consecutive hours of The Simpsons. I'd say that's the #1 use of my computer. Not research, not Photoshop, just the 10+ gigs of Simpsons episodes. I'm working on labeling them all to put them on CD's, but I'm missing a lot of episodes. Stupid WinMX/Morpheus. So that's what I do with my time, instead of digitally retouching photos and designing my book like I should be doing. But if I flunk out of school, I'm sure I'll find someone else to blame it on. Hey, in this culture, I could probably find a lawyer who would help me sue Matt Groening. Bastard world.

I never would have noticed this, but it's funny:

For those of you who are dedicated Simpsons fans, it's no secret that the title of my blog is taken from episode AABF21, Guess who's coming to criticize dinner. In this episode, Homer gets hired by the Springfield Shopper as their food critic. When he goes to write his first review, Marge tells him that their typewriter's "e" doesn't work, so Homer calls it "Food Box: Go or no go?" and calls himself "Bill Simpson." However when he takes the review to his boss, the man laughs because the review is ridiculously poorly written and Homer has typed "Screw Flanders" over and over at the bottom of the page to make it to 500 words. But if the "e" didn't work, Homer would not have been able to type "Screw Flanders," or "pasketti" for that matter.

I feel disappointed in myself for including this in my blog, because The Simpsons is such a great show and sometimes it's one of the only things that keeps me going (seriously). However, if (like me) you (occasionally) revel in other people's "slip-ups," then you may very well enjoy this site... www.slipups.com

I can't begin to describe the disgust I feel for society right now. I just read an article about a man suing a hockey league because his son didn't win the MVP award. He's suing for $200,000. That's about how much my dad makes in five years of steady, grueling, honest work. Bastard Canadians, bastard hockey players, bastard world.

Well something happened. I've been trying to think of where it may have started, but I've spent so much time on the internet lately that it could have come from anywhere. I got some sort of virus. I didn't know it until last night when I got an email from one j**********r@hotmail.com. I recognized the name so I opened the email. Luckily, I was on Joe's computer and he has an anti-virus program that popped up and said, "Yo, homeslice, you barkin' up one bad mofo." Okay, it didn't actually say that, but it told me to delete the file. At first I thought that this person had maliciously sent the virus to me but he said he didn't know how I got the email because he didn't send it. And I guess I believe him. Then today, I got another email from a h***********s@something.uk, which was the name of someone I know combined with a believable end-part, you know the .uk instead of .com. And when I tried to open that, the same thing happened. And now I don't know what's what. I am trying to think of any file I may have put on my computer that could be a virus but I download things all the time because I'm online whenever I get the chance. My mom even got an email tonight I guess from a person who is in my address book, so I don't know how far this thing is going. I don't know how these Trojan/Worm virus things work, but I don't use Outlook Express, and I only really know one person who does, and that's W***t, and I'm not trying to accuse W***t of anything by any means, but it came from somewhere. I'm upset about it. I'm going to sleep now because it's 1:15am and I have to get up at 7:30. Sucks to your ass-mar.

I'm watching the news (News 8 Rochester) and the anchor was talking about John Ashcroft and I swear it sounded like he said "Ashcrap." I wasn't drinking anything, but I did laugh in such a way that if I had been consuming some sort of beverage, it would have shot out through my nose. I wonder how long it's been since that happened to me. It probably happened when I was working at Camp Timbercrest, but I don't remember any specific occurrences. Anyway, that's your word for the day. "Ashcrap."

Can a good work ethic be learned? Or is it instinctive? I think either way I'm S.O.L.

I am currently taking a class called "ST: The Digital Book." (ST:Special Topic) It's about learning how to design, print, and bind your own book. However since my professor often (read:always) goes off on tangents, we suggested that in the future it should appear under the name "ST: More Than You Ever Wanted To Know About Anything."

I thought I was going to have a good day until I saw this article. Said article fills me with a sputtering rage. I'm not sure why. I only know that of all the impending celebrity marriages, this is the only one that makes me feel like screaming. Maybe I should organize a protest to try to prevent it from happening.
My advice: Don't do it Ben! You're better than that!

Today's politically incorrect sign of the apocalypse: Scientists study gay sheep

This morning, as I opened my brand new box of Cheerios, I saw this message printed under the flap: "It is easier to build a child than to repair an adult." And I'm sure that's true, it was just unsettling for some reason to have that pointed out to me first thing in the morning. By a cardboard box.

I'm trying to figure out the best way to talk to my roomie about sharing the garage. Each apartment gets one garage space, and she has the door opener because she lived here first. But now that winter is coming, I want to be able to park inside sometimes. I'm just not sure how to broach the subject. I read this article online... it was kind of funny, although I'm not sure it was supposed to be. At least I like my roommate, and I'm sure I could have a lot worse, like the 50-year-old alcoholic I lived with last year. That was a trip. Too bad I didn't have this blog then. You would have had to hear about it every freaking day. Oh well, that's in the past.

I am so sick of school. And so ready for quarter break. Hopefully the next 2 weeks will go by quickly.

Are you a gay man in need of a symbol?
Need a sign to put on your car or backpack?
Want to make sure no woman EVER looks at you "that way"?
Look no further.

SCREW WWW.SIMILARMINDS.COM!!!!!

I saw a license plate that said
NOZUP4U
It took me a long time to figure out what it must mean.
When I finally did, I laughed.

Supplemental tabloid headline:
Snipers driven by hatred for Oprah
Yes. That must have been it.