Nothing good to write about these last few days... sorry.

In various print interviews, Kelly [Osbourne] made scathing comments about Christina [Aguilera], including: "She is one of the most disgusting human beings in the entire world," and "I've seen drag queens who look better."
"Personally I think she has a crush on me, because she seems so obsessed with talking about me," Christina told Access Hollywood.

Come get your fortune read!

Bush assails race-based admissions... AS WELL HE FREAKING SHOULD!

Come on, [democratic crybaby] America! You can't tell me that a student should be denied admission to a university so that a less qualified minority student can attend just because that student's great-great-great grandmother was an oppressed slave. Waaah, some black student grew up without a computer and Nintendo and Nikes and can't afford to go to a prestigious university. THAT SENTENCE DESCRIBES ME (minus "black"). Affirmative action IS NOT AFFIRMATIVE ACTION ANYMORE! It was instituted to make sure that there was no discrimination against minorities applying for jobs or college. It wasn't to make sure that minority students have some built-in preference over majority (still considered white, I guess) students. I would be so pissed if I had been denied admission to RIT and found out that a black/indian/whatever student with a lower GPA and lighter previous courseload had been accepted in my place. That is ridiculous.
Wanna get into college? Work hard. Can't afford to go to a prestigious school? Cry about it. There are tons of people who can't afford Ivy League, including me. Don't rely on the NAACP to get you somewhere you don't deserve to be.

"Am I wrong? I could be wrong. I was once, in August of '67."
(Snicker)
"Shut up."
"What? No, what I meant to say was, 'Wow, Howard. That's impressive.'"
"Well, I was wrong because I thought I had misspoken but I hadn't."

I just can't handle it sometimes.

Wow. ABC is SO AWFUL.

There's something about Avril...
“She’s not phony, not blond, not pop,” says Jessica Grosche, 20, one of a couple thousand fans at Nation for the all-ages show. “I don’t like Britney. Too pop, too repeated. There’s too many Britneys out there.”
Others are blunter. “Britney’s a slut,” says Paula Vogel, a smiling 12-year-old from Columbia shivering in the cold half an hour before the venue’s doors opened. “She sells her body. Avril doesn’t do that. She’s real.”
“She’s so hot,” says one of a pair of fans who look like sisters. “If I was gonna make out with any girl, it’d be her.”

Great. So Avril's image is encouraging 12 year-olds to use the word "slut" and become lesbians.

Every frickin' thing I had to buy at the school store today was overpriced. Nice discount RIT gets us. I found every item online for a cheaper price. Damn the man.

I don't know if anyone should call them Spy Chips, but I really don't think I like the idea.

It's not fair! I've been a fan of The Who since the very beginning, when they were the Hillbilly Bugger Boys!

As I was driving home from class, I saw a Z3. My first thought was, "Wow, that car is really clean." Then I see that some frickin' yahoo (pronounced yay-hoo) is driving around with his top down. Yeah, it's sunny today, but that doesn't change the fact that it's 22 degrees outside. Madman.

Oh Lawdy. This man's cousins must shop at my store...

Half a year ago a customer sent in a message saying that he wanted another email address, and he wanted to know how much it would cost. I replied that customers were allowed up to five for no added charge. All I needed was a name and a password for each account.

Customer:

Oh, then I would like "Jane Doe" for my wife, "John Doe" for my son, "Jennifer Doe" for my daughter. I'll ask them what passwords they want and send you another message.

Me:

I'm sorry, in my earlier email I was not very clear. I apologize for any confusion. I will try to be very clear in this message so that there will not be any problems, but if you do have any, you can always call.
All email addresses must be between four and twenty characters. A character is any lower case letter, number, the dash or -, and the underscore or _. You CANNOT use any spaces or other special characters. The same rules apply for your password. Here are some examples to help you in your selection.

The usernames of: Jane Doe, John Doe, Jane_Doe, and John_Doe are NOT usable because of the capital letters and the spaces.

These would be fine: janedoe, johndoe, jenniferdoe

Or you could use: jane_doe, john_doe, jennifer_doe

If you wanted something shorter, you would need to use middle initials since your first initials all start with the same letter. For example, if your son's middle initial was "p" you could use: jpdoe

Their first names would normally be another good alternative, but someone else already has "john". So you could use "jane" and "jennifer" but NOT "john". "johnny" has also been used, but "jonathan" has not.

Do you have any further questions? If this is not clear to you, you can call during office hours and ask for me, or call after hours and get whoever is on 24 hour tech support.


Customer:

I think I have it now. How about this:
jane, with the password of as4you*
bunny, with the password of ^to^
johnny, with the password of astronaut!

Are those okay?


Me:

As I said in my last message, there are no special characters allowed, so the passwords given are not usable. Just so we are clear, when I say special characters, I mean ~!@#$%^&*()+=`[]{};:'",.<>/ and ?. NONE of these can be in the username OR password.
Also, you can not use "johnny" because someone already has it.

If you can get me usable passwords for "jane" and "bunny" I will put them in the system immediately. Then we will only have to worry about your son.


Customer:

Oh. Now I get it. Then I want to use these:
jane doe with the password of supermom
kitten with the password of kitten, unless they can't be the same, then I'll use daughter starranger with the password of blaster

Can you tell me how to set those up?

Me:

I put "starranger" in the system with the password you listed. The instructions on this page are how to set up the extra email accounts on your computer: (url)
If you have ANY trouble with this, or if ANY error occurs, call out help line. The number is xxx-xxxx. All of us can help you with setting up these email addresses. Just print out this message and have it with you when you call. This is a 24 hour tech support line. In fact, I suggest you call and let us lead you through it step by step over the phone. It will be much easier.

The bad news is there is still a problem with the other two addresses. "kitten" is being used by someone else already, and I can not put in "jane doe" because of the space.

In case you still wanted them, I did put in "jane" with the password of "supermom" and "bunny" with the password of "daughter". Are those okay?

Customer:

I don't know what is happening! I set up johnny, with the password of astronaut, just like the instructions said, and it always gives me an error saying that the password is bad! What is wrong!
I don't want to try and set up kitten and jane till you tell me what is wrong.

Me:

Sir, as I stated in my earlier email, johnny is not available.
Why don't you call the 24 hour tech support line so we can work this out faster than through email? Believe me, it will be easier.

Customer:

I CAN'T CALL THE HELP LINE!
I don't get home till you are closing! There won't be anyone in the office!

I WANT to do this over the phone but CAN'T because you close so early!

Me:

Sir, as said many times before, this is a 24 hour help line. Even though we are only in the office from 9am to 6pm, the help line pages us. In fact, this week is my rotation with the pager so any time from now till Sunday you can speak with me. This will be to your advantage since I'm familiar with the situation.

Customer: (sent to my boss, then forwarded to me)

I have sent several email messages to your tech support and received NO REPLIES!
All I want is a few additional email addresses, and I learned from your site that I can get four more for free. But when I send email to the technical address, I get no answers.

Can you help me?

Me: (to my boss)

He is lying through his teeth. Here are his letters and my replies.
(I included the emails here)

My Boss:

Okay. I'll call him.
That was the end of the email exchange for a while. My boss called the man and asked him if he had ever gotten any replies from the tech mail address. The customer denied that he had. So my boss read him one of my replies and asked if the customer had gotten it. He denied that he had, so my boss read him his next email and asked why he was replying to mail he never got.

The man then broke down and explained that he was:


Confused by my telling him that some names were not available.
Could not call the tech support line since it was only open on the weekdays during office hours.
Found the instructions on our site too confusing.
My boss then spent over three hours on the phone leading the man through setting up the other email accounts.

The next day the man called tech support to complain that he had changed the mail accounts to "johnny", "jane doe", and "kitty" and that they had stopped working, so he was going to call on the weekend to have us help him again. He never called back about the email.

Three months later, his computer broke down, and he brought it to the shop. I worked on the machine. He had "uninstalled" some software by deleting the directories and then wondered why the computer would not boot up. He remembered seeing many of the programs putting things into the "windows" directory, so he had deleted as much of that as he could.

Miraculously, re-installing Windows fixed his machine. When he came in to pick up the machine, I asked about the other email addresses. He said they were too much trouble for him, and that he just started using hotmail instead. I told him that that was probably a better choice for him.

But it gets better.

Throughout the next five months, we had no less than two calls a month from this man. His settings, including the DNS numbers, email addresses, home page, and so on, would mysteriously change. He blamed viruses, his kids, the weather, and everything but than himself.

One day he called to cancel. He explained that his son was moving away to college and would have access there, and so since his Internet access had only been for his son, he would no longer need it.

We threw a small office party after he hung up. We shredded his account on the server and sighed a great sigh of relief. Three days later he came in with a laptop. He wanted his account back.

Apparently he had terminated his account because his son was taking the computer with him to college. But this guy's job, "a sensitive job with the federal government," required him to have Internet access from home, and apparently it had been this way all along. His boss had apparently asked him what was going on when email to him suddenly started bouncing. So he was supplied him with a laptop so he could continue working at home.

We set up the laptop for his account, and he took it and went home. Less than an hour later, he called. He had changed his access phone number, his primary DNS number, his WINS numbers (which we don't even use), his password, his email server names, and his email address, and had put a password on the laptop that he did not remember.

We fixed it over the phone. The whole time he denied having changed anything but admitted to "checking on the settings." It took over two hours.

We are hoping for an act of nature, or that he will get fired and they will take back the laptop.

For those days when you just want to kill everyone...

Customer: "I've been signed up with your service for over a week, and have not been able to connect even once because of busy signals. If I can't get any better service than that, I'm going to switch to another ISP."
Tech Support: "Hmmm...that shouldn't be happening. We're no where near maxing out our dial up lines. Are you sure you're dialing the right number?"
Customer: "I'm not stupid! I know my own phone number!"

I'm an audio/video technician for an educational medical school in Philadelphia. One day a professor wanted to use Power Point for a presentation. We were able to borrow a laptop from the Information Tech Department. I brought it in, set it up, booted it, and it came up with a password screen. I explained to the professor that I had to call up the Information Tech Department to find out the password, but the professor told me not to bother.
He tried his own name and password. And he kept trying it, repeatedly, for the next hour. I explained to him that this would not work, but he was insistent and kept trying. So I just sat back and laughed to myself.

Tech Support: "Our dialup connection settings have changed recently. We have an instruction sheet which tells you how you should set up your connection. Have you followed those instructions?"
Customer: "Oh, I have those instructions, but I couldn't understand a word of them, so I just installed the connection my way. Now it prompts me for a host name. What should I enter?"
Tech Support: "Um...there is nothing you can enter there. Logging in like that doesn't work any more. You really should follow those instructions."
Customer: "I cannot understand them! I just did it my way, and I need the host name."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, there is no host name you could enter that would work."
Customer: "Some help line this is. You don't know your own host name."

Want more? They're heelaryus... as long as you have time on your hands to read them all.